


SlashKat

by Sonamae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 06:52:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonamae/pseuds/Sonamae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Karkat gets a kitten and John has a lot of feels about it.  Future Verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SlashKat

CG: EGBERT!  
CG: WHAT  
CG: THE  
CG: FUCK  
CG: IS A "LITTER BOX" USED FOR!  WHY DOES LITTER NEED A BOX?  IT'S FUCKING LITTER!  
EB: ... what?  
CG: I DID NOT FUCKING ST-ST-STUTTER FUCKASS!  
CG: WHAT IS THIS FUCKING FUCK BOX FUCKING FOR!  
EB: Ummm... cats use it as a toilet after you put the cat litter in?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?  
CG: DO YOU NOT FUCKING KNOW?  
CG: HOW DO YOU NOT FUCKING KNOW!?  
CG: IT'S A HUMAN INVENTION FOR YOUR FUCKING HUMAN PETS!  
EB: I know what it is Karkat, I just... wait why are you asking about litter boxes?  
EB: Is Rose being weird again?  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: NO YOUR FUCKING HUMAN FEMALE SARCASM MAGIC JUNKIE IS NOT BEING WEIRD "AGAIN"  
CG: SHE'S ALWAYS FUCKING WEIRD!  
CG: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LALONDE ANYWAY WHAT THE FUCK?!  
EB: Well, I just thought she might have been talking about the time her cat was alive.  
CG: LALONDE HAD A CAT?  
EB: Yeah, I remember telling you that.  
CG: FUCK WHY AM I STILL TALKING TO YOU THEN?

\--

 John stared at his computer screen and then squinted through his glasses to double check what he was reading.  Either Karkat really just wanted to fuck with him today, which he really wouldn't count as a no, or something really weird was happening to his boyfriend.

 God he hoped it was just Karkat being an ass hole.  They’d been through enough shit already.

\--

CG: WHY THE FUCK DO ALL THESE FUCKING CONTROL COLLARS HAVE FUCKING BELLS ON THEM?  
CG: AND WTF ARE THESE OBNOXSIOUS COLORS FOR?  
CG: YOU HUMANS ARE FUCKING STUPID!

\--

 John stared down at his phone after getting out of class, he'd had it turned off and now he was even more confused after reading his mixed texts.  He hit his '69' speed dial and pushed the door to the courtyard open.  Three rings later and the line connected.

 "Fucking what, it's eight in the fucking morning!" Karkat sounded like he wanted to rip the phone in half.

 "Did you just get to bed for the day?" John asked, smiling as Karkat cursed and grunted on the other end.

 "What the fuck do you want Egbert?" Karkat sounded less pissed off now, and more... resigned.  In a good way... at least John hoped it was a good way.

 "You texted me earlier about collars, the other day it was about cat boxes." John nodded at one of the other students as they raised an eyebrow at him and hurried by. "Mind telling me what's going on?" he asked as he got closer to the parking lot.

 "I got a fucking cat." Karkat growled viciously on the other end.  John jerked in shock. "What the FUCK did I say about getting on that desk?" John felt his eyes widen and stayed silent until the growling ebbed into silence.

 "You... you're not going to eat it, are you?" John asked, suddenly worried.

 "Oh fuck off." Karkat spat. "I wanted a pet, I got a fucking pet, it's none of your fucking business anyway." and then he hung up.  John stared at his phone until it stopped blinking at him.  His boyfriend was either really stupid, or just really cranky.

 John was going to go for cranky, because he could forgive cranky.

 He could only do so much about stupid though.

\--

CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ROUKIT?  
EB: Hello to you to?  
CG: ROUKIT OR HULTIX  
EB: Mind telling me what this is about?  
CG: THE FUCKING CAT!  
EB: Oh!  
EB: Right!  
EB: The cat!  
CG: YES THE-FUCK JOHN I KNOW YOU'RE NOT THE SMARTEST HUMAN BUT COME ON!  
CG: WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS!  
EB: Yeah, eleven hours ago.  
CG: ... REALLY?  ONLY ELEVEN?  
EB: I think you should name it Libby.  
CG: FUCK OFF  
CG: IT'S A BOY  
EB: Nick then.  
CG: SERIOUSLY FUCK OFF  
EB: You could come over and fuck _me_ off.  
CG: JOHN  
CG: I PITY YOU  
CG: I REALLY DO  
CG: BUT NOW IS NOT THE FUCKING TIME, THIS FUCKING PURRBEAST NEEDS A NAME  
EB: Ugh, I don't know, Slash.  
CG: ...  
EB: I know.  
CG: ACTUALLY, I LIKE THAT  
EB: What?  
CG: YOU CAN FUCKING READ JOHN, I LIKE IT  
CG: IT STRIKES FEAR  
CG: HE'S SLASH FROM NOW ON  
CG: FUCK BRB

\--

 John was going to rip Dave Strider in half for leaving his shit around his flat, the dick didn't even live here anymore so he needed to quit doing that.  He should call him _right_ now just to yell at him, but Dave was probably too busy making out with god knows who to answer.  His computer pinged urgently at him and John turned his attention back to his monitor.

\--

CG: JOHN  
CG: FUCKING SHIT  
CG: GET OVER HERE  
CG: NOW  
CG: THIS LITTLE FUCKER GOT INTO MY RECUPERACOON  
CG: AND NOW HE NEEDS A BATH  
CG: AND LALONDE SAID NEVER BATHE THESE FUCKERS ALONE!  
EB: Get me a picture?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!  
CG: HERE, THIS LITTLE SHIT AND HALF OF MY FACE!  
CG: FUCKING WEBCAM!

\--

 John nearly choked the tidal wave of adorable, unnatural cute that was on his screen.  Karkat looked pissed and this tiny long furred ball of black and white kitten was covered in blotches of sopor slime and licking Karkat's face.  There were too many emotions and not enough words.  John started typing anyway.

\--

EB: You are so fucking cute.  I swear to gog.  
EB: You were destined for a cat.  
EB: It's in your name.  
EB: So fucking cute.  
CG: FUCK OFF AND COME OVER!  
CG: I MEAN IT!  
CG: I DO NOT WANT THIS LITTLE SHIT SMELLING LIKE SLIME ALL DAMN DAY  
CG: IT'S TAKEN OVER THAT FUCKING COUCH YOU BOUGHT!  
CG: FUCKING FUR ON FUCKING EVERYTHING  
EB: Cat's shed a lot Karkat, didn't the shop owner tell you that?  
EB: Or Rose?  
CG: FUCK NO!  
CG: I JUST ASSUMED ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT BY MYSELF!  
CG: LIKE THE GREAT FUCKING CAT PROPHIET I AM!  
EB: Chill out Karkat.  
CG: I CAN'T FUCKING CHILL OUT, THE CAT'S TRYING TO LICK THE SLIME OFF IT'S FUR!  
CG: FUCKING!  
CG: GET!  
CG: OVER!  
CG: HERE!  
CG: NOW!  
EB: Okay!  Fuck I'm on my way, unlock your back door, fill the sink up and get a rag.  
CG: ABOUT FUCKING TIME YOU SAW SENSE!

\--

 Karkat had better be glad he lived so close, and that John liked animals.  He left his computer on, though he switched himself to appear offline, and bolted out the backdoor.  He had to cut through Kanya and Gamzee's backyard, but that was fine.  Kanya was nice, and Gamzee was never actually outside.

 Except for when he was.

 Like right now.

 "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" John covered his eyes and ran toward the fence.  Gamzee was laughing hysterically while Tavros groaned into his shoulder.

 "I told you, go inside!" Tavros mumbled through Gamzee's skin.  John slammed the gate shut before he could hear a reply and thought about the cat, the cat covered in slime and his boyfriend naked and not Tavros naked under Gamzee and his tongue.  He yanked the backdoor open, letting it swing wide slam shut behind him as he went into the bathroom.

 "Karkat?  I hate your neighbors!" John said.  Karkat was looming over the sink, dabbing at the cats face with the washcloth as it hissed at him.

 "Don't you fucking hiss at me, I feed you.  Little shit you are." Karkat grumbled, a low growl in his chest as the cat lowered its head.  John raised an eyebrow and leaned in the doorway. "Yeah I know, he wouldn't stop fucking licking though so I started without you." John made a pained noise and Karkat looked up. "What?"

 "I hate your neighbors." John muttered again before he walked over and wrapped his arms around Karkat's waist.  The growl instantly turned into a purr and John smiled.  The kitten was batting at the rag, biting what he could reach and trying to tug it out of Karkat's hands.  John smiled, reaching over to pet the kitten, only to have it hiss at him instead.  Karkat's purr instantly turned into a hiss of his own and his ears lowered, fangs bared. "Dude!"

 "You do _not_ hiss at my matesprit." Karkat said with a venomous growl.  The kitten had backed up in his hand, lowering its head and meowling.

 "Dude it's a cat!  They hiss at everything!" John said with a sigh.

 "Well he's going to fucking grow out of that." Karkat grumbled as he leaned back. "I'm the alpha and he's a cat.  Only I get to hiss at shit." John couldn't help but chuckle at Karkat's fleeting smile.  He hummed, turning his head and smiling when the troll leaned up to lick across his mouth.

 "Wash the cat off first." John warned.  Karkat growled again, but he was steadily petting the kitten again.  It had started to purr suddenly, rubbing up against Karkat's hand as he wiped away the last of the slime. "Look, he loves you already." John said happily.

 "No he doesn't." Karkat snorted. "The little fucker's just hungry." John laughed as Karkat scooped the cat up sat him on John's head. "Hold that for me while I go fill up his food bowl." John reached up quickly, grabbing the scrambling bundle flailing limbs and settling it on his chest.

 "Easy there." but the cat just continued to freak out.  When the sound of food rattling against a metal bowl drifted into the room, the cat bolted off John's chest and dashed toward the sound, meowing at increasing octaves until he found the source.  Karkat came back into the bathroom, leaning against the door and eyeing John's attire with an almost disapproving smirk.

 "I could say some cheesy as fuck line about your clothes looking better off of you, but I'll cut to the point." Karkat smiled. "Get naked, come over here, and fuck me." John laughed and started pulling his belt off.

 He could follow orders from Karkat at a time like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Koorii at two in the morning.


End file.
